World's Best Card Game Website

It's hard to say "world's best" about anything, especially websites, since there are now an average of about 94 websites per capita in all of the world wide web.  That's right, Kardball fans, 644 million websites serving about 6.8 billion starving humans.  In fact, you're looking at one right now!

And Now, Back to our Program

The world's best card game website is pagat.com, published and maintained by John McLeod.  It's truly an astonishing collection of information about card games of all kinds (as well as tile games, like dominoes or Mah-Jhongg), including history, rules, and variants that are played around the world.

Among the many sections on this site is the page of "Invented Games," meaning card games that have no particular historical legacy because they were just made up by ordinary blokes like you and me.

This was the best place to list Kardball, since there is no category of "Card Games of Divine Revelation."  The Kardball listing redirects you to kardball.com.  The one-line description written by Mr. McLeod says the following:

A two-player baseball simulation played with a standard 52-card pack, invented by Jeffrey Pierce.

NB

(nota bene, meaning "note well") Kardball is a baseball simulation for two teams (not individual players, though you can play with just two people.)

With this, the latest of Earth's 644 million websites to contain a link to Kardball, we can proudly say that we are linked by the following percentage of all websites.

0.000000465%

PS

(post scriptum, meaning "after what has been written") After follow-up correspondence with Mr. McLeod, he has very kindly revised the description to say this:

A baseball simulation played between two teams of players with a standard 52-card pack, invented by Jeffrey Pierce.

Daily Ritual

One Kardballer tells us how his daily game keeps him sane (which is what all rituals are designed to do, right?)

His order of the day: morning coffee, followed by dog relief, TV news, and Kardball on the iPad.  Then comes a shower, a shave, a good morning kiss, and the long commute to work.

Can You Relate?

The way we look at it, Kardball rates higher than personal hygiene, relationships, and gainful employment.  

And to continue this line of reasoning, it's surpassed in importance only by drinking, peeing and watching TV.   Which, come to think of it, is also an excellent bedtime ritual.

Kardball on iPad

Have you seen it?  Yes, the Kardball app for iOS works splendidly on the New iPad, the Old iPad, the Really Old Original iPad, and the iPad of the Future.  Available now in the App Store.

When you first launch it, you may see a smaller high resolution view of Kardball.  But simply touch the "2x" button in the lower right corner and BAM! wall-to-wall eye-popping full-color Kardball.   Fantastic for us kids over forty.

Coming soon:  hand-free voice-controlled Kardball with supermodels.

Kardball for Two

Outside, it's 35 degrees and drizzly, as March in Wisconsin drags on.  Inside, there's nothing on TV except reruns of "Hoarders."  Another boring evening for you and the old ball-and-chain?

Your options: (a.) dirty martinis and DJ Desmond at the night club; (b.) an 8:00 showing of Eddie Murphy's "Thousand Words"; (c.) exchanging sensual back rubs with imported aromatherapy lotions; (d.) Kardball for Two.  Which brings us to the subject of this blog post.

All Hands on Deck

Although Kardball is a team game, it can be played in one-against-one fashion. Batting is easy: for each at-bat, the single player just draws three cards. Pitching is easy, too.  The only awkward part for the single person on defense is handling the eight fielders' cards while also trying to pitch.

Your options: (a.) hold the fielders' cards in your mouth; (b.) lay your cards face down (or face up) on the table in front of you; (c.) lean your eight cards up against the sides of eight cans of PBR; (d.) the Kardball Dummy Fielder™ (KDF). Coming soon to the Kardball Store. (Some assembly required.)

Kardball Second Anniversary

We stoop humbly and in awe before our open beer fridge door, as the Game of Cards turns well past 1000 years old, and the Game of Ball turns over 3000.  It makes the Kardball two-year anniversary seem so small.

But the greatness of a game is not measured in years.  It's measured by the number of iPhone apps sold.

To be a great game, you don't need corporate sponsorships, a cable channel or a Hall of Fame.  You need a case of PBR, a deck of cards, some paper and a pencil.  Games aren't great because they were once played by George Washington, or were described in Sir Isaac Newton's diary, or were invented by the Incas.  A game is great because it was revealed in a dream by a Supreme Being.

A game is great because it requires no more than a third-grade education.

Here's to you, Kardball, on the BIG 2.0.  Many happy returns .... 

Official Beer of Kardball

It is with great pleasure that we hereby announce Pabst Blue Ribbon as the Official Beer of Kardball. After taste testing hundreds of different beers on two continents, we have selected PBR for its flavor, price, and long acquaintance with the leisure pursuits of the common man.

Our Legacy of Good Taste

Kardball was the first baseball-themed card game to be played at a roasted bison dinner, and the first to have its URL imprinted on men's jockey shorts.  We are proud to continue setting these high standards in fashion and culinary circles.

As PBR was once known as the "beer that made Milwaukee famous," we hope to return the favor by making Kardball the "game that made Pabst Blue Ribbon famous."

Unassisted Triple Play

If you google the title of this post, you'll learn not only what it is, but how rarely its seen in major league baseball: only fifteen times in history.  The oldest known instance, from May 8, 1878, was an unassisted triple play (UTP) by the rules in use at the time, but by modern rules it was just a triple play.

Kardball Triple Play

Yes, it can happen.  For example, with a six on third, and a three on first after a walk, a batter hits a five against a ten pitch.  The outfield, who didn't have the factors for the first two batters, is holding a three and a five and the pitcher drew a deuce two cards ago. The side is retired with a 2-3-6.

KUTP

Now imagine a two-against-two Kardball contest, and the outfielder in the example above is holding a two in addition to the three and six.  There's your Kardball unassisted triple play (KUTP) right there. BOOM! goes the dynamite!

Our Kardball History Committee (KHC) is planning a special exhibit dedicated to the KUTP in the Kardball Hall of Fame complex (KHOFC), scheduled for grand opening on a moon of Jupiter in Spring of 2110.

It Takes Focus

Over the Christmas holiday, one new Kardball player was overheard to say "it takes a lot of focus" to play the game.  We don't disagree.  And it takes a little extra focus at 8:00 p.m. after a heavy meal of steak and wine.

Does Kardball require more concentration than any of these other familiar card games, or is it just that we haven't grown up playing Kardball with our babysitter's boyfriend every weekend, as is the case with some of these?

Crazy Eights

This game requires you to match the card on the discard pile with one in your hand, either on the basis of its face value or its suit.  Or you can just play an eight and name a suit of your choice.  Is that easier than remembering that a Jack counts as an eleven, and eleven has no factors?  We're not convinced.

Go Fish

Got any sixes?  No, go fish.  This is truly a no-brainer game if it's just one against one.  But if there's three or more players, you'll need all the functioning neurons of a third grader to remember who is holding the rest of your sixes.  Third grade math is all you need to play Kardball, so we say the difference in difficulty is too close to call.

War

Here we have a math-based game of inequalities.  If my eight is greater than your four, I take both cards. If your King is greater than my seven, you take both cards.  Truly not a game you can sleep through.  While the calculations may be slightly simpler than Kardball, this game's general test of mental toughness is every bit as intense.  

Kardball Kritical Period

Theory: any card game you learn before onset of puberty is more easily assimilated and retained.  Since Kardball has only existed for less than two years, we say Kardball is the game of the future, and always will be ....

Confonting the Steal

With runners on base, everything changes.  (Cue the scary music.)

Breaking it Down


Ace through six are the only cards you will ever see on base.  Cards seven and up are not factors of any other card, so they will only make home runs, and will never stand on base.  See? You're feeling better already.

Of the six potential base running cards, the 3, 4, 5 and 6 will always be in scoring position after a three-bagger.  Oh yeah, there's nothing better than scoring position after a three-bagger, am I right Romeo?

Non-scoring Steals

Steal attempts by an Ace or two (on first or second base) are possible on almost any pitch. You almost cannot prevent a steal attempt in this situation.  You can only rely on dirty looks, a beer-induced lapse in concentration, or pure luck.

On the flip side, should you tolerate a non-scoring steal ... or even invite one?  If your defense is holding an Ace or a two, a steal attempt is just what the doctor ordered. You make the out (always worth the use of an Ace) and you cost your batter a strike.  Taking down a baserunner is always a great out.

Scoring Steals

Extreme care must be taken when pitching with a 3, 4, 5 or 6 in scoring position.  Dangerous pitch cards are 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, and Queen.  One careless lay can have serious consequences, am I right Romeo?

"Never pitch a card that matches a baserunner."  Get a Sharpie pen and write that one on your arm.  Why? Because this allows the runner to steal, and you'll need yet another card of the same value to put him out.  And since there's only four of every card value, you probably don't have another one.

Pitch an Ace, two, 7, Jack or King.  And change the subject of conversation to the growing contrast between popular views on birth control and Catholic church doctrine.

Pitching Low to High

In a previous post we might have discussed two kinds of defensive strategy: pitching for strikeouts, and pitching for field outs.  This week's comment on pitching technique belongs to neither one of those strategies, or both, depending on how you look at it.

Batters Discard High to Low

Batters will generally discard their highest cards first, since they are the hardest to use.  For example, if a batter is holding a 3, 5 and King, and the first pitch is a 4, that King will be the first to go.  

Building on this example, consider a pitching hand with a 4, 8, and King.  Notwithstanding your outfielders' strength, your first instinct is to lead with the King, because it's the hardest to hit.  Unfortunately you've just set up a possible home run on your first pitch.  

Had you waited until at least the second pitch, that King would most likely have been discarded, and you'd get to see the batter huffing, cussing, and pounding his fist on the table, dangerously close to that saucer full of peanuts.

Taking Away the Home Run

A batter's high cards are only good for one thing, and that's home runs.  When you start pitching low and mean with your Aces, twos and threes, most likely you force them to disarm themselves of their home run swings.  After all, they're playing the numbers just like you.

On the third strike, pitching a high card -- even a Queen -- might draw a hit from the batter's last, lowest card they saved.  But that's a hit you can defend, and even if you don't make the out, you give up only a base hit, and not a home run.