Coaching The Pitcher

No matter how lonely it feels staring at your three or four cards, surrounded by a few of your friends who had no other plans for the evening, and some other people who were talked into joining you with a promise of free PBR ... remember that Kardball is a social game, and more importantly it's a team game.

Pointing and Nodding

Ever since Man stood erect and walked on two feet, pointing and nodding have been our most basic means of communication.  After 10,000 years, it still helps you get directions to a public rest room near a Turkish railway station.

To suggest what card your pitcher should play, point at that particular card and nod. If you are the pitcher, point at the card you think your teammates are pointing at and nod, as if to ask "is this the card you want me to play?"

Grunting

To ask his defensive teammates what card to play, a pitcher can point at a card and grunt with a rising tone, as if to ask "should I play this card?" To respond, a fielder can grunt "UH-uh" to mean "no" or "uh-HUH" to mean yes. A longer grunt with rising and falling tone means "I don't know."

If the pitcher plays a card that the team likes, all team members can grunt like apes or snort like pit bulls.

Communication: Key to Victory

In Kardball, two or three heads (one per person of course) are better than one. Create a kollective konsciousness for your team by using signals.  Pro tip: scent signals have been tried, and they do not work.

The Matter of Batters

Sometimes we hear this around the Kardball table: "if you get on base, you draw three new cards."  This is partially true.

The truer form of this statement is this: "if somebody gets on base, another batter draws three new cards." Below, we explain why.

Up, Deck, Hole

In almost any Kardball game, three batters each get three cards to start an inning: (1.) batter up, (2.) batter on deck, (3.) batter in the hole. In a standard three-against-three contest, if the lead-off batter homers or gets on base, he draws three new cards because he will definitely bat again, even if the next two batters make outs.  That lead-off batter is now in the hole.

In a four-against-four game, the clean-up (fourth) batter draws his first three cards if the lead-off batter gets on base.  The lead-off batter does not draw.

When and Why a Batter Draws

Anyone in the batting order who is guaranteed to bat in that inning should draw cards and hold them until they are at bat. Another way to think of it is this: after an out, no batters draw cards. Another way to think of this is as follows.

The number of batters holding cards is the same as the remaining outs.

While there are no outs, three players (including the batter up) should have cards, since at least those three are guaranteed a trip to the box.

After one out (with two remaining), two players (including the batter up) should have cards, since at least those two will see pitches.

After two outs (with one remaining), only the batter up holds cards. If that player gets on base, the next one in the order draws and bats immediately.

Kardball Law: Konservation of Matter

No matter what position, which side, or what point in a game, only cards that are (or will be) in play should be drawn.  That's yet another paraphrase of "the number of batters holding cards is the same as the remaining outs."

And if necessary, we apologize for reminding you of your high school physics class.